Dearest Readers,
This past weekend has been an emotional rollercoaster. First, Ohio University epically defeated Georgetown and I mobbed with my fellow bobcats on Court St. wreaking havoc on streetlights. Then, I returned home to watch the theater class I grew up with perform their last play … goodness gracious I am psychologically wiped! Within the course of 48 hours two juxtaposed events have forced me to question my place … how do I fit in anymore?
When I was a little senior in high school (I mean it was so long ago … a whole year), the wise and all-knowing college kids advised me that my college life would quickly become more important than the willy-nilliness that is high school. I looked around. I had close friends, a good family, passion for all I was involved in, and I thought: Am I really supposed to just let it all go? Well I am here to tell you of the younger generation (and to those of you in the same boat as me I hope you will read this and nod sagely to yourself): Change sucks, but you don’t have to forget the past. You just have to be sure you are lively passionately in the present. (If you have now just gagged I apologize.)
Take a gander at my past few days and you will see this overstated lesson applied in real life (imagine that!):
For those of you who barely know me, I tend to like the spotlight (many can attest to this fact). My senior year, I was a member of the evening theater company (ETC for short), and this class of crazies became a huge part of my life. It was hours of time where you were trapped with the same people; therefore, you kind of have to become a family, or as I like to call it a sort of dysfunctional and freakish support system. Our theater teacher told us at every performance to appreciate the moment in time that we had together, because never again would this same group experience a performance like this together. Each time she told us, we would kind of roll our eyes (come on, like you wouldn’t?), but once I went off to college it actually resonated (don’t you hate when that happens?). I would never have that moment again. Kaput. Done. No more.
Goodbye pseudo-family, hello strangers! Don’t panic dear readers, all is not as tragic and woeful as it may currently seem! Life in college, though moderately frightening at first, is a daily marvel that can all be summed up in the celebration on Court St. after the Bobcats triumphed on Thursday. Thrashing about abnormally close to my fellow bobcats as I lost my voice screaming the chants of O-H-I-O, I recognized that I have a life here. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t let random person #3 mash into me – crushing my rather skinny but gangly limbs – in the name of OU. College has become my life.
So I have now presented you with two rather odd tales, but this is the part where I will attempt to beautifully weave them together! Even though a part of me hated to recognize that I am not a member of ETC anymore (it really resonated when I saw the last show on Saturday and realized how much I would never perform on that stage again), I recall my theater teacher’s words and recognize that it was a moment in time that will never happen again, but that doesn’t mean it never happened. It was amazing and left a mark on everyone who was there, because in that moment, it was everything … and that is enough. There are more things to be passionate about and more pseudo-families to form, but that doesn’t mean I will forget the moments I spent in time with that class at that moment. (I feel I have now used way to many these and that’s, but I am trying to speak in the abstract here so cut me some slack).
Lesson to be learned: Life goes on, but it doesn’t forget. Ironically enough, as I struggle with how to connect to both my hometown and my college life, a girl who graduated with me from the aforementioned theater class, who will only be known as “truly inspired chick,” told me she reads my blog. My blog serves as a means to connect me to both sides! I still don’t fully grasp how I am supposed to be connected to my home home and my home at Ohio University, but such is life. Juxtaposing events weaving together connecting me to millions of different moments. For now, I will try revel in these moments of time with the people I’m with, because really, what else can you do?
Longingly Yours,
Adorkable
Well, as someone who is now out of college, I have a couple thoughts about high school versus college and what becomes important. I think I'll list them:
ReplyDeleteA) A lot of people who say that college life becomes more important than high school are people who did not have a good high school experience. In high school you have to deal with a lot of different people who are very desperate to define themselves, which at this time usually means putting down other people- hence cliques, bullying, etc. You also have to learn about things you don't really care about (for me, math). In college, you self-select your social group (just by choosing a college and a major, you are signing up to be with more like-minded people than who was in your high school class). You also get to study whatever you want. People who were teased/felt ostracized/just felt different in high school find friends similar to themselves and get to learn about what they have passion for in college (ideally). This is where I think this comment is coming from. But, since you had a strong sense of self in high school and did rewarding things you were interested in, you might not see what the big fuss is about.
B) In my experience, people become wrapped up in college life the first year because it's so new and exciting and parent-free, but as years go on, the things and people who REALLY mattered in high school remain important. So I'm still good friends with my five or so closest high school friends, and I think of orchestra as a very fun and rewarding thing I did- those things and others didn't diminish even though I had a way better college experience than high school.
C) It's interesting you bring up your theater experience, because to me the fact that a performance is a shared experience that will never be repeated is the best best thing about theater as a medium. The actors, the set, the audience, it's all completely transitory, which makes it beautiful, just as life is completely transitory, which makes it beautiful. On the flip side, the best best thing about movies and books is that they never change, but each time you watch/read them YOU have changed, and the change in you changes them. Man I love art.
Apparently this entry spoke to me! Hope you don't mind my long comments!
Rachel Graham
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you how much this comment meant to me. A. So awesome. B. So well-written. C. So genuine. thanks for reading the blog and commenting!!!
-J
Adorkable,
ReplyDeleteThis is your theatre teacher from the past. I was informed of your blog and had to log on. I loved reading your perception of life right now, and of course, I must add my "Schreinerisms". So whether you like it or not (smiling right now)...here goes...never doubt and question your phases of life....they exist, each has a purpose, and each has its advantages and disadvantages. Auntie Mame loved adventure, and so do I. Each phase of my life so far is nothing but an adventure, and the exciting part is, what I will find each and every day, and how it differs from what I found in the past. The past is always there, and no matter how hard one tries to forget or transition, your history with a place, others, classes, friendships, relationships,etc. is part of your make up. Absorb your present moments because they soon become your history. Hold onto your history with peace and joy, and embrace your present with peace and joy. You always belong to a phase of life, that's the cool part. So my dear, creative, loving, wise, sensitive, and witty friend (I can call you that now that you've graduated), realize the moments, look forward to what is next and treasure the memories. Sunshine and Smiles
Schrein
almost teared up reading that schreiner....thank you.
ReplyDeletei am embarking on today's journey with a broader smile because of you.
miss you always.