Dearest Readers,
I haven’t updated this blog in literally years (it’s actually been mildly amusing to re-read things written by my naïve freshman self), but I needed a forum to vent and post my thoughts. So that’s the only explanation I have.
Some days you wonder what you are doing it all for. Not like I-want-to-end-my-life-what-am-I-living-for, but more of a what am I doing that is going to have any impact? Am I doing what I am passionate about? Who am I really?
And let me tell you, that makes me even less inclined to study for my political science final. Not that I don’t think law and sexuality is relevant, I actually think it is one of the most relevant classes I’ve taken, but what am I going to do with it? How am I going to apply what I have learned in these years of college to do something to improve the world?
Junior year of college is like that, I guess. You come in as a freshman with big ambitions, and then you realize that though they may be attainable, it comes at a cost. Sure, you can spend all of your free time working at a publication, but would you like to have friends, a social life or a significant other? If so, you may want to rethink that bold professional choice.
This is the year I have spent the most time contemplating life beyond college. It’s not that I am scared of the job market or anything (though I probably should be), it’s that I have been questioning how I will make the most out of my time in my early 20s. Those are the years when I can afford to be selfish in my career pursuits. I don’t have to worry about a family that needs my fiscal support.
But the 20s do set the stage for the rest of my life. Should I be thinking grad school, or should I take time off? Should I be considering law school, or do I even like law? How much do I actually love journalism, and what about my other dreams?
What I suffer from is lack-of-inspiration-ism. I am spending all this time trying to receive As in my classes, but how is that actually going to serve me later in life? I sacrifice sleep and more dedication to student organizations to do well in class, but are academics getting in the way of what I really want to do? But that begs the question, what is it I really want to do?
I don’t know why I am currently suffering from these existential musings. I don’t think that they are unique to just me; I know for a fact many friends are going through the same things. It just seems that these thoughts are going to matter more soon. I am proud of the person I have become in college and the things I have pursued, but I am feeling more pressure to figure out big kid things. I need to decide what I want to be when I grow up, because I’m almost to the point where I have to push off and do just that: grow up, outside of the cocoon of academics.
What have other people done to combat this? Have you sat down with someone you trust? Have you read some really awesome book? I would love random pieces of advice.
Sincerely,
Adorkable ... who's older now
