Starting the Summer Off with Accidental Insults and Ridiculous Adventures

Dearest Readers,

Did you miss me?? (of course you did pfffft) I am very sorry for my 20ish day hiatus. I kept putting it off. Finals week. Coming home. New job. You know the drill…the more I pushed it off the greater the task seemed to loom. As if a blog post is unconquerable or a scary green and blue monster (I don’t know how I chose those colors either). So here I am…you are probably curious, oh loving readers, as to what crazy shenanigans I have been up to and what I, this crazy kid, has to say. Oh readers, have I got stories for you!

Mostly I have been working as an intern for Whirl and Edible Allegheny Magazines. (same office) All I can say is, it’s wonderful. I am working at Bath and Body Works (because scented lotion is my calling). And then I hang with my fabulous friends…and this is where all of my best stories occur.

Adorkabley Embarrassing Moment: Insulting a Room of Strangers

So lately my friends have been on a kick of trying to get out of our bubble-like suburb. So a friend, who I will call Brother Flail, discovered a comedy open mike. Oh kay people, there are several red flags here: the open mike is located at some place called “The Royal,” on a Thursday night, and it’s an open mike…oh dear. Now as a comedy lover and improv performer myself, I was wary, but we decided to go to do something different. It was something different alright. We walked up the creeky stairs to the “lounge:” an empty room over a bar decorated with canvas paintings of bricks (that’s right people, brick photos were used as art). Two people were there when we arrived, and clearly they were startled to see five college-age students arrive. It was shady, however, since no one was there I decided why not perform for just two people and my friends? HAH! (bad idea, never again). Right after I signed up, in walked 5 other comics who added their names to the list. People who had worked to come up with jokes and a plan (I had nothing…but regret of course). Everyone performed aiming their jokes solely at us, because we were the only new audience members. Some were funny, most made jokes about being unemployed or getting a divorce or something equally awkward. It was probably the two most uncomfortable hours of my life (which basically means I basically peed myself laughing and it was totally awesome). I decided, clever me, to perform my forensics (speech and debate) piece from last year: a children’s novel about santa’s daughter. (yes I know this was a bad idea, but it was all I had prepared in any way shape or form). When my turn finally came, my trouble began (because it was smooth sailing before now):

I decided to break the ice, I would talk about how I was in an improv troupe at school so I really respected how they got up in front of people in the name of comedy. That is what I intended to say, but here is what I said instead: “Just wanted to say I’m in an improv troupe, so I know what its like to perform and fail….oh gosh no I meant…I know what it’s like when a joke flops…oh wait no I meant” (at this point I was digging a severe hole, my face had reached a new level of fuchsia and my friends were sitting in the corner guffawing at me…oh expletive) from there I performed a 5 minute flustered, shortened version of my piece. (In front of a bunch of 20-40 aged men who had just performed stand up let it suffice to say it didn’t go over particularly well). I basically sprinted off stage (the show saved me for last btw, because they wanted to end with that gem) and as we were leaving, one of the guys, who was very nice I’m sure but at this point was a 28 year old guy sweating pleasantly through his shirt, asked me if I was an actress and if so could he have my number. (oh goodness was he hitting on me?) To be fair he could have been perfectly innocent in his inquiry, but I mumbled something about being gone most of the summer and ducked away in a dead sprint. As I took the stairs 4 at a time in ungraceful leaps, they yelled down that they hoped to see us next week. I think once was quite enough for me thanks.

Lesson to be learned: Do something different, because even if it doesn’t end up as you planned, you will always come back with a story.

Although I have many more stories for you, my beautiful readers, this is long enough as it is so I will leave you with one little anecdote:

Last night, my friend, who I will call the Maestro, was driving and he loves him some classical music. So the four of us in the car decided it would be fun to drive around late at night, pull up next to cars late at red lights, and blast classical music while dancing as if it was modern music. Imagine their surprise when they see these teens rocking out to Mozart! Hahahaha (how quintessentially adorkable). We switched it up by blasting the music and staring at people or sitting perfectly still or doing the robot or interpretive dancing. Moral of the story is: it was awesome.

Second Lesson to be learned: You don’t need much to do something creative, different, and hilarious.

Do something crazy today! If any of you have any stories of doing something really bizarre and hilarious please share by leaving a comment! (I love comments a whole lot.) More stories of adorkable craziness are on the way!

Tonguetied-ily Yours,

Adorkable

ps. the picture is mine again...just a summer pic!